When you've played over a million hands of poker, you pretty much get the idea that you've seen it all. Many spots that used to be interesting are now "ho hum". It can be tough to keep your brain "locked in" and focused on what's going on. I think that's why I've really started to enjoy getting into heads up NLHE because now it opens up a whole variety of new spots, mind games, and trying to figure out what level the other guy is on. I think as far as my "career" goes, the thing that keeps me playing and interested in poker are those momentary flashes of greatness, where you just somehow know the guy is ready to make a move, or you just know based on 3 of the last 20 hands you've now got this guy set up to do what you want. If it wasn't for those brief moments I think I would have already gone back to my old life in the consultant/programmer world.
Sure there's something "cool" about playing a game for a living, but it's not something I even talk about with people outside of the poker world all that often. In fact I usually try to avoid the subject all together. It's just easier that way. But I digress (btw how overused is that phrase? ya it annoys me too), I think everyone needs something they can do in their life that makes them feel whole, or makes them feel good about themselves, or like they are making a difference.
There's not a whole lot of that in the poker world. The whole nature of this game is one of self fulfillment, self analysis, self responsibility, self awareness, self self self self. It's a game within a game, it's who can keep themselves under control when things are going badly. It's who can force more things to go badly for their opponents. It's who has worked the hardest away from the table so that things go their way at the felt.
Sure that's all well and good, and it makes for an interesting discussion and for an interesting hobby, but when it's your job it begins to define you. I don't plan on having it define me for the rest of my life. Perhaps for now but not forever...hold that thought.
So American Idol has started again for now it's 7th season. Hard to believe. I think I watched back on season 1, but then pretty much stayed away from it until my wife and I got back into it last year for season 6. I pretty much was one of those types that liked to hear Simon annihilate the bad singers during the auditions but lost interest as the season went on, until last season where I was into it throughout. Anyway, I was talking briefly about this show with my friend Josh and I was saying how I thought Simon was hilarious because he rips all those people to shreds who suck at singing. In fact, I've been known to steal some of his insults and hurl them at my computer screen when a donkey sucks out on me. haha...
Anyway, Josh made a comment how he hated that show because all it did (at least during the auditions) was give a bunch of people false hope that they too can be the next pop superstar only to have their reality come crashing down on national tv when an arrogant englishman tells them how badly they suck. Not only that, but the producers of the show line their pockets based on the crushed dreams of all these people. I guess it was at that point I took a different look at the show. Perhaps it was just me being self absorbed, but I really never much considered the feelings of these people who put themselves out there, who probably shriek hymns every Sunday during church, who probably have their tone-deaf (or perhaps just overly supportive) family there encouraging them on, so much so that they feel the need to go in front of the nation and display their "talent" ... then in one fell swoop their hopes and dreams get crushed in front of a camera, by an english accent no less. Geez...
I guess before then I always just took the attitude
"hey, they are putting themselves out there so they deserve whatever criticisms Simon gives. After all they've seen the show, they know how he is. I'd get the same tongue lashing, which is why I don't go on that show" etc. I guess that's true to a degree, but when you consider that many of these people really do think they have talent, and it's their
dream, then I guess it loses some of its comedic value for me. That said, I still did die laughing at some of the clowns on that show this week (so I'm really not all holier-than-thou) but I did feel a bit bad for laughing afterwards :-)
So I guess the point of that little sidetrack is that I think many of the people that try out for the show are just hoping for a flash of greatness. They want to taste that success, even for a brief moment. I think those momentary flashes end up becoming some of our best memories when we get older. Catching the winning touchdown pass, buying that homeless man a sandwich, pulling the kid from the burning wreckage, helping an old lady load her groceries...Some of these American Idol contestants end up becoming defined, at least to a degree, by the fact that they are horrible singers. At least some of them managed to profit from it (like Sanjaya last year, or that one notoriously bad asian kid that put out a CD a few years back), so good for them. So many others get nothing but a handful of crushed dreams and eyes full of tears.
So then naturally I relate it back to poker. How many of these guys load up their account with some money, probably crush their home game, sit down at the virtual felt and then get annihilated. All of us professionals are basically just mini-Simons there to not only crush these guys but take their money in the process. Again, the same attitude applies "they put themselves out there" etc, but at the same time some of these guys just don't know better. A
hard lesson learned, I suppose.
I realize I'm coming across as a sad clown in this entry, and I'm really not that way 99% of the time. It's just that it all gets me thinking. How do I want to be defined?
One thing that helps me get past this is that I do volunteer work every week with some troubled youths. It's only for like 3 hours every Wednesday, but at least it's something. I feel it helps define me (at least in my mind's eye) a little differently because of it. And even though I'm already a busy guy, I'm planning to become more involved with volunteering in some other capacity at least one more day per week. I'm grateful that poker allows me the freedom to be able to volunteer, which I couldn't as easily do back at my old consulting job... but I feel like I owe more time helping other people. If your life circumstance is such that you have some time to volunteer with something, I really urge you to do it. It's so rewarding in a way that's so much more meaningful than the 5-bet all in bluff with ten high I made today, or the bluff I snapped off the other day with nothing more than Jack high. Having a flash of greatness helping the kids at Missy's school is so much better than the flashes in front of the computer screen...
So despite all this "emo" talk, I'm still going to keep playing poker. I'm still going to watch American Idol. I'll still probably laugh at the people who are humiliated on national tv, and I'll still laugh at the donk I stack who transparently bluffed off all his chips and curse him when he sucks out... So typing all this stuff out doesn't make me better than anyone else... I think it just means that sometimes we should all take a step back and take a look at our lives and just make sure we like the path we're walking down. The purpose of this post isn't to say "hey look I do some volunteering" it's to say "look how my actions through poker negatively effect others, I should do more to help people."
I don't know what brought this on... maybe my birthday coming up next week.... argh, I'm already a dinosaur in the poker world... coming up on 27 years of age...aiiiiiyyaaaaaa
Aaron
tl;dr etc
